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A Touch of the Ludicrous for a Tuesday Morning

May 12, 2015 7 comments

There is even that curved line on the neck that reminds me of a collar.

imageFirst:  Entertainment critic Kayla Hawkins has some suggestions for a second season of the USA Network’s show Dig with a story premise about an FBI agent in Jerusalem who discovers a 2000 year old plot. She suggests an episode on the Shroud of Turin in season 2 which she describes this way:

Supposedly the Shroud of Turin (many people believe it’s the shroud in which Jesus of Nazareth was buried) defies carbon testing, DNA testing, has a strange indecipherable pattern — what could the real-world meaning be behind this holy object? Even if it dissolves into Da Vinci Code “Jesus’ descendants” nonsense, it will surely be fun.

Now, doesn’t that sound like a television critic.

And Then:  There is a posting that appeared in the Italian language Sacra Sindone blog. What follows is is a Google translation, which in itself is ludicrous:

This is portrait of King Louis IX with his young wife. For me and my mother appears OBVIOUS that the man of the shroud and Religion IX (who died at the age of 56 years) are the SAME PERSON. This portrait of King Louis IX as a young man, has "escaped" to Phil Kingippo beauty, which destroyed all authentic portraits of King Louis IX and made it to the other false, because it was he – because of money -a pass the shroud done with the body of King Louis, to that of Jesus’ . In fact he did kill the Templars because they wanted at all costs to say the truth, and that was the reason that even the Pope Celestine V is bare ‘papal event not to give in to his blackmail; As for the sheet, it may have been made with a type of seaweed that has the characteristic similar to a carbon copy.

image

Categories: Humor

Humor for Today: The Shroud Authenticated By Antiques Roadshow

January 27, 2015 Comments off

imageThe spoof blog Vatican Enquirer posted Shroud Of Turin Authenticated By Antiques Roadshow. It begins:

THE VATICAN – The hosts of long-running TV series Antiques Roadshow from the United States, UK, and Canada teamed up at the request of Pope Francis and have determined that the Shroud of Turin was without a doubt Jesus Christ’s funereal blanket.

After hours of examining the tattered 8 cubits by 2 cubits piece of blood-stained linen, Mark Walberg (PBS), Fiona Bruce (BBC), and Valerie Pringle (CBC and heiress to the Pringle Chips empire) announced that the Shroud is legitimate and “could fetch upwards of $200 million (BPS 131, $204 CDN).”

And there was this at the end:

American reality TV show Pawn Stars was also asked by the Vatican to examine the Shroud but declined, saying their participation could put the legitimacy of the research in doubt.

“If it was in mint condition, I’d have been interested,” said Richard “Old Man” Harrison, star of the History Channel’s Pawn Stars. “But it’d be hard for us to sell when you can get a pretty realistic Shroud knock-off printed on a beach towel for around $99 with free overnight FedEx delivery.”

Categories: Humor

The Poke in the Eye Award for This Sunday Morning

January 25, 2015 2 comments

goes to Colin Berry for a comment to You cannot fold and unfold a painting (and more). Guess who has been poked.

Would someone care to make me an offer for the GENUINE Mona Lisa?

Yes, this is the real one, not that cheap and garish imitation that hangs in the Louvre.

There are three ways you can tell that mine is the original. Firstly, all, and I mean ALL the original paint pigment has fallen off, leaving just a ghost of Da Vinci’s original.

Second, you will note that what remains is a tone-reversed negative. Yes, when pigment detaches from a Da Vinci, one is left with a negative of the original. Not many people know that.

However, the real proof that mine’s the original comes from entering the image into a 3D rendering program:

Only a genius of the highest order – Leonardo Da Vinci – centuries, nay millennia ahead of his time – was able to paint an image that degrades to leave a photographic negative with encoded 3D properties.

Message to prospective purchasers: informal ostentations are held nightly at my home, 3, Railway Cuttings, East Cheam. Entrance is free, but viewers are expected to purchase the East Cheam Pilgrim’s Badge, cast in durable epoxy resin for a special reduced price (£35 plus VAT).

Categories: Humor Tags:

Lest the wrath of God descend upon them like a ton of bricks

September 21, 2014 19 comments

Angel, in a comment directed at Colin Berry, wrote:

… I am not stating you haven’t spent an enormous amount of time and energy attempting to recreate a likeness that would disprove the Shroud image. That is commendable, although antithetical to Christian belief. Yet, it is your right, as a scrutinizing scientist….

How could Colin not reply, even if it meant breaking his umpteenth pledge to never again comment in this “insistently proselytizing pro-authenticity” blog. He states:

Angel: there’s nothing “antithetical to Christian belief” in being a sceptic where the TS is concerned. Ask the Vatican if you don’t believe me.

This philosophical badinage reminds of a humorous letter to the editor of Nature. From four years ago:


Strangest Quote Ever on the Shroud of Turin

imageCesare Emiliani, Department of Geological Sciences, University of Miami, world renowned geologist, known for his work on marine sediments and plate tectonics, in a letter to Nature following the carbon dating of the Shroud in 1988.

Religion is perfect and unchangeable, the work of God. Science is imperfect, and, I suspect, the work of the Devil. The two should never be mixed. The scientists who participated in the dating of the Shroud of Turin should repent and promise to never do anything like that again. Creationists are even more guilty, for they have been mixing science and religion for years and years.  They should abandon their evil practices forthwith, lest the wrath of God descend upon them like a ton of bricks.

What’s with the wind noise and the big stick?

September 10, 2014 3 comments

Hat tip to Joe Marino

This has to be the most unusual skeptical YouTube I’ve seen on the subject of the shroud’s authenticity. Don’t worry, it is only two minutes long.

Did he just say it is easier to fit a round peg in a round hole?

Hat tip to Joe Marino

Categories: Humor, Video Tags:

Remembering the Post

September 1, 2014 3 comments

Yesterday, a reader wrote:

A couple of years ago you wrote a parody of an article about Luigi Garlaschelli. I am preparing a lecture on the Shroud and was thinking of using the fake article as a humorous handout. I have not been able to locate it. Do you have a copy that you can send to me.

Actually, it was five years ago. As I read it now I am embarrassed. It was kind of stupid (nah, maybe it was a bit funny). Here is the boring original news story from Reuters. In tracking it down I found this lead up link to it in PZ Myers’s Pharyngula, unquestionable the leading New Atheists blog out there. Here, below the line, is what I wrote (undoubtedly late at night sitting alone in some Jimmy Buffet Margarita Ville bar that I can’t remember. Feel free to use it. And there is no need to give me the credit.


ROME (Reuters) – An Italian scientist says he has reproduced a human being, a feat that he says proves definitively that humans, which Christians say are made in the image of God, are medieval fakes produced using materials and techniques that were available in the middle ages.

A scientifically-made mannequin, measuring 6 feet, 2 inches tall, looks eerily like Luigi Garlaschelli, the scientist himself.

"We have shown that is possible to reproduce something which has the same characteristics as a human being," Luigi Garlaschelli, who is due to illustrate the results at a conference on the para-normal this weekend in northern Italy, said on Monday.

A professor of organic chemistry at the University of Pavia, Garlaschelli made available to Reuters the paper he will deliver and the accompanying comparative photographs.

The mannequin resembles the back and front of a bearded man with long hair with his arms crossed on his chest. He has two hands, two feet and a single head with two eyes and two ears.

Since Darwin, evolutionary biologists have believed that humans evolved along with other animals and plants from a common ancestor. But scientists have thus far been at a loss to explain why some people smoke cherry flavored pipe tobacco since it offers no evolutionary advantage.

Garlaschelli, who received funding for his work by an Italian association of atheists and agnostics, expects people to contest his findings. “They didn’t believe me when I reproduced the Shroud of Turin, Quantum physics and the Egyptian pyramids, thus proving that they, too, were medieval creations. “

“It works for me,” said PZ Myers, pastor of the Morris, Minnesota Pharyngula Church of Fundamentalist Atheists. “I was getting tired of evolution, anyway. I believe everything I read in the newspapers so long as it doesn’t conflict with my beliefs. If humans are manmade, that’s fine. I still don’t need to believe in God.”

Garlaschelli said the funding for his work by his own organization of like-minded atheists had no effect on his results. "I always start with results," he said. “That way, I always arrive at the desired conclusion.”

Categories: Article, Humor Tags: ,

Humor: Shaggy Dog Story Award for Familiar Logic

July 16, 2014 Comments off

it takes a certain type of person to even read this posting

imageYou may or may not want to read the shaggy dog posting, The Alien "Shroud of Turin" in the UFO Museum Collections, Portland , Oregon.

Even though I am a ufologist this is not an object that I know a lot about. For all I know it may be a fake? But by the looks of it. . . . Accidents like this cannot be fakes. At least they usually are not fakes. The Elvis tortilla probably was a fake . . . etched by some one with a wood burner tool? This piece is nothing like that.

imageYou get the idea.

I asked Google to find a similar image. So, for fans of such things, the Google algorithms found proof that aliens were here in 6000 B.C. (when people rode dinosaurs, right?)

Look carefully: there are aliens, flying saucers and poker holes in an L shape. (Not to worry: I still disagree with Colin Berry et al and think the third drawing in the Hungarian Pray Manuscript is based on the shroud).

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