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Glen Beck, Genius on the Shape of the Nose

April 24, 2014 Comments off

imageHugh Kramer who has an Atheism column in The Examiner tells us Glenn Beck defends the ‘Jesus Pancake’

There’s a big flap over a flapjack in the news and the Christian blogosphere this week. The whole thing began on Good Friday when a cook in the Cowgirl Café of Norco, CA was trying to make a Mickey Mouse pancake but ended up with something wholly (holy?) unexpected instead: a johnnycake with the face of Jesus on it. . . .

Didn’t know about this big flap? You are lucky. The story continues:

And now, Glenn Beck is adding his two cents worth. On his radio program yesterday, Beck defended the possibility that the Jesus pancake was indeed a divinely-inspired message from God.

“I’m not one that buys into the, you know, toast and the pancake and stuff like that, but I’m also not willing to reject things that people interpret as a good sign of hope…”

“I don’t want to question God,” said Beck. “I really believe we are entering a season of miracles… and I’m not going to [second?] guess on somebody else’s miracle that’s giving them peace.”

To emphasize the possibility of a miracle, Beck put an image of the face on the Shroud of Turin and a photo of the Jesus Pancake side-by-side and remarked upon the similarities, mainly “the shape of the nose.”

His co-hosts however, were unimpressed.

Wait a minute, Beck was showing the pictures on a radio show? A radio show?

Categories: Humor, Pareidolia

Tweet for Today: The Shroud of Turin and Bigfoot

April 23, 2014 Comments off
Categories: Humor

December’s Flippancy Award: What Would Jesus Do?

December 22, 2013 1 comment

clip_image001From the Bicycle Story blog:

Little is known about the All-Powerful Bicycle Lobby (APBL). In fact, until the Wall Street Journal’s Dorothy Rabinowitz made a video last Spring lamenting the APBL’s efforts to “begrime” New York City with Citi Bikes, few people (if any) knew that the group existed. Exactly who they are and the extent to which they influence the world’s affairs remains unclear. But, I had the rare opportunity to interview the APBL and help shed light on their dark conspiracy. In it we discuss their history, their slow and steady reshaping of the free world, their end game, and much more.

Your shadowy organization remained a secret until Dorothy Rabinowitz exposed you in her screed against New York’s bike share this year. How did she discover the truth?

We think it might have had something to do with the 6,000 bright blue bicycles we placed on just about every corner of Manhattan and Brooklyn. Wealthy New Yorkers can ignore all kinds of things—from homeless children to the fact that most of the city’s public schools and hospitals are being demolished and replaced with luxury condominiums—but apparently bicycles are a bridge too far. Looking back, we realize we could have taken a more subtle approach in our attempt to secretly turn New Amsterdam back into Amsterdam. But it’s like Oprah always tells us at our weekly poker games, “Go big or go home, shitheads.”

How long has the APBL been asserting its influence on the world?

We don’t have official records, but we recently uncovered research proving that the Shroud of Turin was actually a towel that Jesus used after he completed his first century ride. (When anyone tells us that biking in sandals isn’t safe, we typically tell them that we actually know what Jesus would do.)

Categories: Humor, Other Blogs

Yeah, that’s how it all starts.

December 11, 2013 1 comment
Categories: Humor, Image Theory

Maybe Vermeer Made the Shroud of Turin

December 10, 2013 8 comments

This is devastating. Someone is certain to think that Johannes Vermeer (1632-1675 A.D.) faked the shroud, probably with a Toys R Us electric scorching pen. Someone will discover that the Girl with a Pearl Earing has two eyes and a nose in the same place on her face as the grand master himself. And we thought Shroud Science was sophisticated. This guy spent years and money painstakingly building a replica of Vermeer’s home.

I missed the story in Vanity Fair last month. But there it was, in the doctor’s waiting room, and me on those pain pills for sciatica that help make sense of every thing.

Reverse-Engineering a Genius (Has a Vermeer Mystery Been Solved?)

David Hockney and others have speculated—controversially—that a camera obscura could have helped the Dutch painter Vermeer achieve his photo-realistic effects in the 1600s. But no one understood exactly how such a device might actually have been used to paint masterpieces. An inventor in Texas—the subject of a new documentary by the magicians Penn & Teller—may have solved the riddle.

Penn and Teller? Not to worry! They’re Atheists! Whew! Bias! This is no more devastating then Lynn Picknett and Clive Prince and their theory that Leonardo photographed himself for the shroud. Notice the resemblance between Clive (left of Lynn) and Vermeer.

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Categories: Humor

You need to read both lines of the headline

December 5, 2013 9 comments

I sort through a lot of nutty, robot-generated stuff every day; and some non-robot stuff that is just as nutty. I think, however, this blog entry in Men Dating Badly, this morning, is robotic. The real story is not about the shroud but the stories linked from the left:

image.

If you must, you can click on the screen clipping to see it in full size.

Like I said, some nutty material is not robot generated. The best example comes from Ray Rogers. I remember conversing by email with him on some of the craziness. He wrote back:

Yes. I get lots of lunatic-fringe mail too – – – and telephone calls. Some of the calls come in the middle of the night…perhaps catalyzed by too much Pinot Noir. My favorite was a guy who pointed out that when you cover a "daid boddie" with a cloth, the flies come to the smell. "They poke their little noses through the cloth. And you know what flies leave – – – little black specks. "Jest look at that image real close, and you will see that it is made up of a whole bunch of fly specks." By that time I was rolling on the floor, and I couldn’t answer him.

You get the picture!

Categories: Humor

Shroud of Turin Ads on my iPhone

October 20, 2013 Comments off

imageLet me see if I can net out a bit of information that may or may not be important to you. From USA Today on Friday:

Google’s stock jumped $122.61, or 14%, to $1,011.41 Friday . . .  Google is now the fourth company trading on a major exchange to have a stock price of $1,000 or more.

The reason behind Google’s stock’s latest move higher came late Thursday when the online advertising company reported a profit of nearly $3 billion during the third quarter, up 36% from a year earlier and exceeding estimates.

And in another story, also in USA Today, we learn:

The reason is a surge in mobile ads, which cost less per unit and have lower click rates than those served onto desktop computers.

So if you are searching for material about the Shroud of Turin on your regular computer you are not seeing the ads I’m seeing when I search on my iPhone. And who is advertising on my iPhone?

The first ad reads, “Distortion in Shroud image cleaned up, reveals clearest picture ever.”  You want to click in and watch the movie (any computer will do) for at least one and a half minutes. You will be doing so on the Urantia Book website. But before you click on the Donate button or buy the book, you might want to read some (just some) of the Shroud of Turin Report from this website. They have a somewhat different understanding of what happened:

The name Michael is used to designate Jesus in his status before incarnating on this planet and after his resurrection. The name of our Local Universe is Nebadon. The most senior “angel” in the administration of Nebadon (after Michael) is known as Gabriel. So, with regard to the spiritual beings that are involved in the spiritual administration of Nebadon, Gabriel was left in charge when Michael incarnated as Jesus.

[ . . . ]

At ten minutes past three o’clock,  . . . the chief of archangels—the angels of the resurrection—approached Gabriel and asked for the mortal body of Jesus. Said the chief of the archangels: “We may not participate in the morontia resurrection of the bestowal experience of Michael our sovereign, but we would have his mortal remains put in our custody for immediate dissolution. We do not propose to employ our technique of dematerialization; we merely wish to invoke the process of accelerated time. It is enough that we have seen the Sovereign live and die on Urantia; the hosts of heaven would be spared the memory of enduring the sight of the slow decay of the human form of the Creator and Upholder of a universe. In the name of the celestial intelligences of all Nebadon, I ask for a mandate giving me the custody of the mortal body of Jesus of Nazareth and empowering us to proceed with its immediate dissolution.

The long and short of it is this is how the Urantia Book folks believe the shroud image was formed. I don’t think I’ll donate.

As for the second ad, I think the odious description says it all: “A Forged Image of a Fake Jesus from the False Church.”  I say click on it a few times and waste their money. Every time you click they have to pay Google a fee. Oh, go ahead, click again.

It is a bit late to buy the stock. I laughed at the idea of Google when it was $85.

Categories: Humor, Tinfoil Hats
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