This past Saturday, Stephen Wagner, who is described at About.com as a paranormal researcher and author posted Why the Shroud of Turin is Fake in his role as a “Paranormal Phenomenon Guide” for the web publication. He seems to be a young Joe Nickell sort of fellow:
Lie on your back on a hard surface (such as the floor) as the figure is in the image, and just try to cover your privates with your hands. I am a person of average proportions and I had to stretch my arms with some effort to be able to barely cover them. Yet the figure in the shroud image seems to be accomplishing this with relaxed ease. The arms don’t appear to be stretched out at all.
Now just relax your arms to the floor, like a corpse, and see where your relaxed hands cross on your body. For me, they don’t cross at all. My fingertips barely cross around my navel – well above the private area. To be able to cross them at all in this position, I have to lift my arms somewhat off the floor, and they still to not reach the private area with any degree of relaxation. And no one is more relaxed than a corpse.
[ . . . ]
So just through observation and simple experimentation, I have to surmise that the Shroud of Turin is not an image miraculously created by the body of a crucified man, but an image painted by an artist who wanted to protect the modesty of his subject.
It amazes me how so many people come up with different ideas to disprove the shroud’s authenticity as though no one among the hundreds of researchers over the past century of study had never considered the idea before. But they have as this simple solution by Isabel Piczak, a noted artists and shroud researcher, demonstrates. She carefully plotted the position of the body from detailed measurements taken from the shroud. She then proved it with a life model.
The following is from a reader in Chicago:
For Immediate Release
Margaritaville, Bimini – April 1, 2012 – Conspiracy theorists Lynn Picknett and Clive Prince (yes, that really is a picture of them) announced the release of their latest book, “Okay, So Leonardo Didn’t Do It.”
“Our main thesis has been that the shroud was a self portrait of Leonardo da Vinci,” said Clive. “Then I realized how much I looked like Leonardo. That meant we needed a new theory.”
Capitalizing on the work of ENEA in Italy, the couple concluded that the shroud was painted by the American artist Jackson Pollock (1912 – 1956).
At first, believing that the Italian scientist Paolo de Lazzaro was right, we tried a gazillion-volt laser. The results, as you can see, were promising.
Later, with the help of a graphics artist from the Granada College of Surfing Technology, we discovered an improved method, pictured here, that comes very close to corona discharge. The photograph even shows how Pollock was able to add travertine aragonite from the soul of his shoe.
Picknett and Prince recently published an article in Fortean about another of their books, “The Stargate Conspiracy.”
Yes, this is the cover line: Pyramid Scheme Revealed: The CIA’s Drug Fuelled Plot to Bring Back Egypt’s Ancient Gods.
This last part about the article in Fortean is not part of the April Fools day joke. Here is the cover shot, for real:
"Christ’s Entry into Jerusalem" by Hippolyte Flandrin
A reminder that Russ Breault’s Shroud Encounter will be at Sussex County Community College in the Performing Arts Center, Wednesday, April 4, 2012 at 7:30 pm. Admission is $7 – $10. SCCC is in Newton, New Jersey, just about a hour’s drive from Manhattan.
Shroud Encounter is a production of Shroud of Turin Education Project, Inc. and will be presented by international expert Russ Breault who has been featured on several documentaries airing on CBS and the History Channel. The presentation is a fast moving, big-screen experience using nearly 200 images covering all aspects of Shroud research.
Source: Sussex County Community College | Blog | Docs | New Doc